and so it begins

oh. hello there.

not making any promises that my blogging hiatus is over, but here I am.

a little situation has been brewing here with a certain almost 7-year old that I need to process and mull over and ask all you mamas who are further along the road than I am ... WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS?



How interesting that I break my silence today with a topic I touched on in that post last summer -

He is learning to navigate the sometimes muddy waters of friendships.
He now knows that it’s really going to be okay when someone says
they’re not “best friends” anymore.

There is a core group of boys who all live facing or backing onto the cul-de-sac behind our house. They are {approximately} aged 4, 5 (Marty), 6, 7 (Max), and 8. For the most part, they all play well together.  There is a core group of girls as well.  Sometimes the boys and girls keep to themselves, sometimes all of them or some of them play hockey or ride bikes or come into our back yard to jump on the trampoline or play Lego or laugh at Jax running around sans-clothing or watch Paul gut some fish.

No more that 2 weeks ago, Max came running back to the house just a few minutes after heading out to play in the cul-de-sac with his friends. He's often content to just do his own thing, but more often than that he wants to see what's going on.  He came to me in hysterical tears saying that the three boys (the ones who are not his brother) had said he was mean and they didn't want to play with him or be his friend anymore.  I did my best to calm him down a bit, and couldn't help but go chat with the boys to get their side of the story.  I don't remember the specifics of their version, but of course it was entirely opposite of what Max said had happened. It all boiled down to one story vs. another and really, what can a mama do? Max kept to himself for a few days but has slowly re-engaged with the boys.  This afternoon he got an invite to go over to one of his "not my friend anymore" friends and play air hockey.  When he came home I asked if all was well, and he said it was.  He seemed to understand that sometimes kids say things they don't mean or don't realize how their words could hurt so deeply. He agreed that he sure didn't like being on the sad end of that situation, so he would be careful not to say hurtful things like that to make someone else feel the same way.

Sounds like a great ending to the story, right? Life lesson learned early on and will never cause a problem again, right? Not so much.

This evening just as we were getting the boys into bed, I got a phone call from the Dad of one of his school friends.  His boy is very sweet and soft-spoken, and he and Max made an early connection when they met in Kindergarten.  They actually met for the first time in May before school started that September, when we were both at the school for a visit. "The Dad" tells me that his boy is feeling very hurt because Max has not been kind to him at school and avoids him and says he doesn't want to be his friend.

Hhmmm, sounds familiar.

Then The Dad says that The Boy doesn't feel comfortable going to Max's birthday party on Sunday because he's feeling so sad and rejected.

Sigh.

No surprise here - in our conversation with Max about what happened, he insists he has never said anything like that, and, of course, he still wants to be friends with The Boy. Although Max was receptive to the discussion, Paul had good reason to remind him that Moms and Dads always know how the voice of a boy sounds when he's maybe not telling the whole truth about something.  We suspect that Max might be feeling torn between his friendships with two boys who don't jive well with each other.  We have challenged him to take some time to think about how he can show The Boy that he does indeed care for him and want to be his friend.  We hope The Boy agrees to come to the party, and we hope Max doesn't talk about the party in front of The Other Boy who is not invited.  The friendship with The Other Boy is a bit of a complicated issue itself. I can't say much more than that right now, but I suspect there will be more lessons on friendships coming soon.

All that aside, my favourite part of the whole discussion this evening was the look on his face when I asked him if it's true that a certain little blonde girl in his class has been playing with him.  My friend told me that the girl calls him "Maxi-Dog". He told me she calls him "Wolf-Hound". I asked him if she chases him.  His grin broadened.  He said yes. He said he likes it - "because I like to run".