my boy

Oh, dear.  Am I ready for this?  

Today I witnessed Max's first real rejection from a friend.  

My sweet, sweet boy.

Pretty much every day since school started, Max has asked if we can play on the school playground after school.  I've said no up until now as it's such a busy time with lots of kids and parents around, and one or both of the littler boys are usually sleeping in the van.  (Not to mention the HEAT!  -- but I'm saving that for another post. -- ) Today both little boys were awake and happy, I was quite early (had to get a good parking spot!) for picking him up, and it was not scorching hot outside. I decided to surprise him and take them all to the playground.  I had gone into the school through another door as there was a consignment sale on school uniforms.  I pulled him from his class that way rather than waiting for him outside with all the other K parents.  As his class lined up to leave, at least two of the boys called out 'goodbye Max' and giggled with him about something.  I was impressed with how well liked he seems to be by his classmates.  (Remember, all 7 of his preschool friends at this school are in the morning class!  A few of the boys are in his new Sunday School class now, which is very exciting.  - Oh, more on that in another post too.)  When we got outside, he hoped his very favourite friend would be there, as he often is with his mom, picking up his older siblings.  He wasn't there, but another friend from his two years of preschool and new Sunday School class was there.  They aren't close friends, but definitely familiar with each other.  Max gravitated to him, although The Boy was clearly more interested in tagging along with his older brother and his friends. The Boy's mom went inside the school for something.  I was about 20 feet away and watched as the other boys started up a game of Four Square.  Max had no clue what they were doing, and just wanted them to pass him the ball.  When Max asked a few times for the ball to be passed his way,  The Boy friend seemed to be bothered by this and kind of ignored him.  When Max persisted (totally clueless that they were playing a real game with rules) The Boy said "No! You're not my friend!" and shoved Max away with both hands.  It wasn't hard enough to push him back far, but I could see instantly that it was hurtful.  Deeply hurtful.  He came straight over to me, trying very hard not to cry.  He got to me and let it wail.  I let him cry.  For a few minutes.  I tried to distract him from his hurt feelings before he got hysterical.   Then we talked a bit about it and I told him that what The Boy did was unkind, and reminded him that he could make a choice to not do the same kind of thing to somebody else, knowing now how it felt to be treated that way.  I reminded him that he is very good at being a friend.  (Earlier he had been going up to kids on the playground, asking them what "division" they are in.  Not grade, division.)  He's so eager to meet new friends and is proving to be very outgoing. It will be interesting to see how those characteristics play out in the tricky social setting of school.

After the sobbing subsided, I had to make yet another trip to fetch Marty from the far reaches of the schoolyard.   On my way back I noticed my friend, The Boy's Mom, talking to Max. I could tell they were talking about what had happened.  I came up and said that yes, it was a very sad little interchange.  She had come out to the spot I left Max, saw that he was upset, and asked him if "The Boy" (she used his real name, I will not.) had been mean to him.  Max said yes.  I asked her how she knew that, without even seeing or hearing about the incident.  She said "I just know my kid".  That made me sad.  She's a great mom who really cares about her kids, I don't doubt that.  She found him and had a fairly lengthy chat with him, then brought him over to apologize to Max.  

Next thing I know ... I look around and see the two of them sitting under the tree, chatting away like nothing ever happened.  They played together for close to an hour until we moms dragged them down to the parking lot.  Max hasn't had much one-on-one time with The Boy, and I think the whole situation brought them closer as friends, in a way. 

And what effect did this have on me?  I'm glad I was there this time, as it showed me these are real issues we'll be starting to deal with.  I'm glad it was my shoulder he cried on.  I also realize I can't protect him from every heartbreak forever.  I know that.  I really do.

But ...

WAAAAAHHHH!  I'm not ready for this!  The thing I'm hearing so many moms say about the baby/toddler/preschool years being the "easy part"?  I understand.  So begins the dealings of the heart. Character. Courage. Integrity. Wise Choices. Kindness. Generosity. 

Dear Lord, do carry us through.